Dear love...

Yes, I know it's so cliche' but I had to write a letter to you. Why is it all my life I look for you in people, in places, in thoughts, only to still have part of you missing?  I thought I found you, and you filled me like I have never been, and I felt whole.  Yet, you remained in me but now I wish you would go away.  Come back when you are certain that this is meant to be.  The games you play, and the lessons I learn, well, I am getting tired of them.  Take a break from this soul, leave me alone for a bit, let me find me, and then maybe you can come back.  I just think you need a vacation, because you seem burned out inside me. 

Love love
Go away
come back
another day
i wish i may
i wish i might
have this wish
i wish tonight

love has flowed into curious veins
embellishing each touch with its pressure
the pain tingling through each touch
straight into this broken heart.

Dear Friday,

You have given me the motivation to begin posting again on my blog.  The day is beautiful outside and the office is empty.  I sit here waiting for the next 30 minutes to pass, so impatiently.  In fact, my eyes keep drooping with anticipation.  So I thought, what better way to pass the remainder of this wonderful work week with a letter to you about my appreciation for you and what Friday entails.

Only on Fridays do I get Starbucks (unless Tuesday insists on it).
Only on Fridays do I get to eat out for lunch instead of some home made throw in the microwave diet meal (even today you let me grab Mochi).
Only on Friday would I ever allow myself to be hungover, because really Friday is probably the most unproductive day of the week anyway. (well...until Sunday in the summer came along)
Only on Friday do I like my job so little that I am ready to leave as soon as the digital clock hits 5pm.
Only on Fridays does my liver start liking me again....until Friday night that is.

You know, if opposites really attract, I think I have the perfect match for you....Monday!  You may hit it off really well.  It would have to be a long distance relationship since you are so far apart in time but maybe long distances work sometimes.  Look at mine.  They aren't easy though and you'll never be able to really be together.

If you ever need some advice from me, Friday, I would be happy to help.  After all, you have done so much for me all these years, that I can only offer something back.  How about I raise a toast to you tonight?  Well, I think I do that every Friday!

Love you forever and always....

me

Dear Pregnant Barbie,

I believe in showing girls the reality of life, but really, Midge, did you have to get pregnant?  What are you showing young girls out there, and why did you have to show us that you can remove your belly.  Why can't you show us the reality...the baby should come from the real place not a removable belly.  Now a little girl is going to go up to her pregnant mom and want to pull the belly off just to see the baby.  And is it just me or did the breasts actually get smaller with the pregnancy?.  It's already been said that if Barbie was real she wouldn't be able to support herself and now we have added a stomach. Where's the swollen feet, the extra love handles, the real added weight? Oh, and by the way, are you even married?  That's what I thought....and that's what we want to show little girls.  Good luck Midge.

Wishing you all the best,

Jessica

Dear 5 Pounds,

I am at a loss for words.  It's easy to break up with someone, easy to throw something away, easy to even get lost, but you....do not disappear easily.  What is your malfunction?  I have busted my butt (literally) running, lifting, stepping, dancing, starving, eating cardboard dinner, having Special K at meals, and yet, for some reason you hang on.

You are like the fly that you keep swatting at over and over yet still seems to linger around.  Like the cockroach that I thought I killed and threw in the toilet to see you 1 hour later trying to crawl out.  You are a benign desease that doesn't want to go away.

I am now asking you very politely, can you please dissolve away.  I do not need  you anymore.  The winter is going to be over soon, and I know you thought you could keep me warm, but now I will have to shed more clothes, and I see you peeking out over my pants.  I am warm enough, and my bikini will be all I need to keep me warm throughout the next 6 months.  So kindly, please go on your way.  Find another soul to torture whose skinny body could soak you up and love you for the rest of your existance.  I want you to feel appreciation, and not loathing, it's what you deserve.

But I am telling you....you are not needed around these parts.

With the kindest regards meant,

Jessica

Dear Kim Casali,

Thank you for creating this cartoon.  As a little girl I have seen this cartoon in 3 different languages and used to cut them out of the newspaper and collect them in scrapbooks.  I especially love the ones in German since that is where I first began loving these little darlings.  The little nudists always made me smile.  Now I found a website that will email me one every day.  It's cheesy, but I send one of these to my boyfriend every week due to the lack of my own creativity.  Thank you for your heartfelt drawings and words, thank you for believing in soulmates, and thank you for never putting clothes on them.  They are kept timeless...in every aspect.  I mean who wants to see them get old, wrinkled, saggy, or go from wearing bell bottoms to uggs now.  barefoot and naked...that's the way I want to grow old with my soulmate, who tells me every day what love is.

Love always,

Jessica

Dear 2009,

I must say, this letter is very hard to write because as the year comes to an end, I realize that I myself am also another year older, but hopefully a year wiser.  So, yes, I am a little sad but I have to say, you have been good to me. 

The year started off  in a little town called Vegas and boy what a night.  Found ourselves (Kerstin and I) wandering through Planet Hollywood completely lost thinking that we were in Caesars Palace.  Supposedly there were some fireworks, and you can hear them in our video at midnight...but I sure don't remember seeing them. 

Then the year turned a little scary, with a relationship ending, and my cousin, Kerstin, almost creating many heart attacks with her paralysis.  These two moments are some of the hardest times I have ever had to endure.  I think I may have competed with the clouds in April with the amount of tears that were shed. But, guess what?  I made it out alive and kicking and so did Kerstin!

As the months rolled on, things came a little easier.  I fell in love, quickly, with an amazing man, Matthew.  Yet the hardest part is that he lived 2,240 miles or 3613 kilometers away or 5 hours by plane, and none of those make the distance any easier to bare.  Yet, thankfully we stuck it out and made it through the year, although many times I had to ask if it was worth it. In the end, I always came to the same conclusion, definitely!

Work was a struggle with the economy and sales being slow, but we managed to pull it out this year, which was no easy feat.  I became the sales manager for the company and still had to work all the accounts I previously had, while having to play a bigger part in the company.  By the way, I love it!  I really do love my job and the people I work for and even some that I work with.  There isn't many things better than that! 

Places I visited this year: Philippines, Osaka, China, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Jakarta, Laguna Beach (Thank you Matthew), Denver, Miami!

I am disappointed in you this year though, and actually at myself.  I really didn't have any new experiences. Didn't learn to Scuba dive, didn't go on a cruise, didn't go to the Galapegos Islands.  So as you go away, I am glad that 2010 is still right around the corner, because now I can try to redo it all again and make it better and make sure the list is actually checked off. 

So 2009, you have been good to me in many ways.  I won't cry to send you off this time and I look forward to seeing your brother because I am sure he has good things in store.  If not, I may need to add jujutso to the list so I can do some ninja ass kicking!  I hope you have an awesome farewell party, I will be in full attendance!

with love and no regrets,

Jessica

Dear Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab,

I understand that you may not share with us the same religious views, but how did you expect to do anything with all those virgins if you strap the bomb to your genitals?  Was that the smartest thing you could do?  Personally, maybe the backside would have been better, I mean really no one pats down your butt either.

I can't tell you how sad it is to see that there will never be peace on earth with people who have your mentality still living.  The times just keep getting worse and more violent and you believe that this is your personal world to just destroy.  September 11 was one of the most memorable and one of the saddest days I have yet to experience.  However, it seems there is not one day that goes by that something in the world doesn't bring some type of tear to my eye.  Life isn't a choice that you get to make, Mr. Abdulmutallab.  No matter what God you believe in, or I believe in, the decision is not yours in who lives and who dies.  You are only responsible for one person in this life, and that is you.  So do what you want with your life, but leave all the innocent people that will never change any aspect of your living being alone. 

I don't believe in torturing you physically, but I hope that for the rest of your life you feel the torment inside of what you have done and what you could have created.  Someone out there should take pity on you, but it won't be this person.  I can't accept you causing a disturbance during my Christmas dinner.  The news is bad enough with all that occurs every day and we can do without another silly person believing they can steal beautiful souls from this world.  Thank goodness the hero sitting next to you on the plane foiled your plan.  HA HA HA I laugh at you...you are now a disgrace to even the people who you thought you were serving.

with despise,

Jessica